That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
