this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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