I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
