First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
