if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
