If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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