Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
