i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize