nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
