I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize