hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
