I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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