I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
