arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can I color on your dick again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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