speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize