i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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