Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
