WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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