He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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