I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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