We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
