Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
