The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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