There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
