my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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