besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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