she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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