Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
