awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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