So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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