My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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