I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
