There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So. Much. Porn.
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