I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
