This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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