i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
