i think i have herpe
just one?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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