Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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