am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
