perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize