Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
