i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
