I faked an abortion last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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