What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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