This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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