if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
