i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There's always time for handjobs
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
