I murdered the dance floor call the cops
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
