Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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