After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
