i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
