I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize