Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
