y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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