He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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