ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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