please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
