dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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