do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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