We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
