She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
