and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
