I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
