she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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