Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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