god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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