I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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