I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
