the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He passed out mid-signature
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
