Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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